I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
