I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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