this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
