i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
