it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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