Where did you get a picture of my penis
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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