glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
