im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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