i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
