I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
