Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
