My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
