Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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