hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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