Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
