he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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