Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
