I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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