I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
