R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
