so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
