you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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