to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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