Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize