Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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