you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
