I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
