a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
