So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
