In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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