I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
