3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize