If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
