Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
