i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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