And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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