I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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