thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
