so that wasnt chicken after all
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
