he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
