He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
