LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
