How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
