DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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