Got a toothbrush?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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