Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
