I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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