if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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