Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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