ugly people sure do ruin things
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
