I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
