WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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