im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
