worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
