Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
