Do you still have your period?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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