Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i dont even know how to be here
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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