I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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