haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
farters have to be the big spoon...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
