Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I wear drunk well.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
