this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
