I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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