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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dicks are not precious.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
