when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize