I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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