Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
