does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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