she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
